From Awareness to Alignment
You are not stuck because you do not know. You are stuck because you won’t move.
I’ve come to realise that many of us are not as honest as we think we are. We are self-aware, yes. But honest? I’m not sure about.
Before you continue reading, I have to say, that this is one of those letters where I will expressly call you out. Remember, this month is about putting our lives under the microscope and really looking to see what has been going on.
My intention with this letter is to call you higher, but maybe not so gently. So, if you’re ready, read on.
We have gotten really good at naming things
‘I have avoidant attachment style’.
‘My inner child is still wounded’.
‘My fear of success is holding me back’.
And of course, the classic:
‘I am self-aware’.
It’s giving vocabulary and therapy lingo.
But is it giving change? Is it giving transformation?
………
Allow me introduce you to two familiar voices:
Self-Awareness: This is the part of you who reads, observes, reflects, takes personality tests, goes to therapy, knows the vocabulary of healing.
Self-Honesty: This is the one who tells you the truth you try to avoid. The one who says, ‘Yes, you know better… so why are you still doing it?’
Sometimes, we confuse the two. We think we are growing, but all we are doing is getting better at describing our dysfunction.
Let me show you how this plays out in different scenarios.
1. Procrastination
Self-Awareness:
‘I procrastinate because I’m afraid of failure. Deep down, I do not believe I am good enough to succeed’.Self-Honesty:
‘You also spend hours scrolling. You ignore the work. You delay even when you are ready, because you are waiting for a feeling instead of deciding to move. That is outright indulgence’.
2. Emotional Sabotage in Relationships
Self-Awareness:
‘I shut down emotionally because I have an avoidant attachment style. It is how I learnt to cope’.Self-Honesty:
‘So what are you doing about it? Because all I’m seeing is someone who disappears emotionally, then blames the other person for ‘needing too much’. You punish people for wanting closeness. You want intimacy, but you expect others to do the emotional heavy lifting while you hide behind your 'style'. That is not healing. You are clearly hiding’.
3. Pride Disguised as Independence
Self-Awareness:
‘I grew up having to depend on myself. That is why I do not ask for help’.Self-Honesty:
‘You are not protecting yourself anymore. You are pushing away the very support you keep crying for. That is self-isolation with a good excuse’.
4. People-Pleasing
Self-Awareness:
‘I say yes to everyone because I have a fear of being disliked. I am a recovering people-pleaser’.Self-Honesty:
‘But you are not recovering. You are still shrinking, still abandoning yourself, still trading your peace for approval. How much longer before you “recover”? ’.
5. ‘That’s Just How I Am’ Syndrome
Self-Awareness:
‘I know I am not emotionally expressive. It’s my childhood. I grew up in a home where feelings were shut down’.Self-Honesty:
‘But you are not in that home anymore. And you are no longer a child. How long will you keep blaming your environment for your refusal to open up?’
6. Sexual Boundary Crossing
Self-Awareness:
‘I know I sometimes engage in things that do not align with my values, but I am working through shame and past violations. It is complex’.Self-Honesty:
‘It is complex, yes. But you are also choosing temporary relief over what protects your peace. You know better. But you are not doing better. And each time you silence your spirit to satisfy your body, you deepen the distance between who you are and who you are becoming’.
7. Victim Mindset
Self-Awareness:
‘I know I sound negative sometimes. But life has really dealt with me. I am just tired’.Self-Honesty:
‘I get it. Life is hard. But when everything is always happening to you and never through you, something is off. Not every “enemy of progress” is external. Sometimes, it’s you, and your refusal to leave the comfort of that pity’.
I could go on and on.
Do you see what I mean now?
Self-awareness is nice. It gives language and helps you understand yourself. But on its own, it is not growth, neither is it transformation.
I did not come up with these dialogues to shame you, but to help you see that growth means not just giving language to your bad decisions, but interrupting yourself mid-excuse, and choosing differently.
You must understand that insight is not the same as integrity.
You can be aware, but not aligned. And you can know your behaviour, but never take responsibility for it.
You can speak the language of healing and still walk the path of self-destruction.
You may need to read that line again.
And I know, it is hard. Growth is not a switch you flip overnight. But we must stop treating insight like a badge and start treating it like a mirror.
What is the use of knowledge if it merely gives name to our pain, our choices, and our cycles without requiring change?
What is the point of self-reflection and all this knowing if we never actually become?
I say this with nothing but love:
You do not need another deep conversation{insert your first name here}. What you need is a decision.
What you need is a commitment to stop hiding behind your awareness like it is a protective blanket.
Yes, you’ve been through things. And yes, they shaped you.
But they do not get to keep running your life.
You’re no longer a child. You’re no longer powerless. You now have the power to CHOOSE.
This is a truth I had to sit my behind down and tell myself. Hard, yes, but I needed it.
You deserve more than a well-written explanation for a life that keeps hurting you.
You deserve to live in alignment.
You deserve to tell yourself the truth.
Call yourself by name and tell yourself: I am not broken; I am just overdue for alignment.
So yes, keep learning yourself.
But more importantly, start honouring what you learn.
With loving tender kindness(and a little bombastic side-eye),
_Chinaza
This is really deep and true for reals
It does not end with knowing but knowledge must be rightly applied.